Resolutions

I don't really like resolutions, per se, but at this time of year, I like the idea of refocusing energy on making life better and bringing peace into your life. So, if you want to call them resolutions, go ahead. There are some things that I would like to state that I'd like to improve, make a priority, create as goals, whatever.

• I'd like to learn to love my body - the parts that work and the parts that don't. I'd like to do a better job treating my body better by not pounding it down to the point that it is injured. I need to feed it the best food possible. It needs to be worked out in new ways. My body deserves to be appreciated for what it is when I look into the mirror instead of criticized.
  
• I need to learn the fine balance of sticking up for myself, saying no to things, being honest even when it is not what someone else wants to hear - and lose the fear of conflict, guilt that comes with doing these things. I feel like I know who I am on the inside, but if I stick up for my opinions and beliefs around people who disagree, that I might create conflict. I need to just get over it.
  
• I consciously try to do this anyway, but I want the people that I care about to know how much they mean to me.
  
• Money goals? We are pretty good with our money already, but perhaps it is a good year to try to pare back the items that are 'wants' and cut back on some of the frivolous spending. I probably could do better shopping around, looking for and waiting for a deal. We don't always have to buy the cheapest item, but it wouldn't hurt to try to buy most things on sale.
  
• Living cleaner - aside from keeping a cleaner house, it would be great to make more of an effort to conserve energy. I'm the person who is home all day long...I shouldn't leave unnecessary lights on, I can bundle up when I'm cold or use other heating methods rather than run the furnace. I also would like to do better with the cleaning chemicals. I need to find a better balance between what cleans well and what is good for the environment.

Time Flies When You're

Sorry I have been MIA! I know you are missing me. I just haven't felt like blogging lately. There has been a bunch of life stuff going on lately with the holidays and such, so sitting in front of the computer and preparing a blog entry hasn't really been my first priority. Hope you and yours had a wonderful holiday and are now preparing for the new year like we are. We have had Chad's sister and brother-in-law in town since mid last week, so we have shared lots of meals and time with them. Our Christmas bounty overflowed with lovely presents plus a bit of fun - we got a Wii! One of the pics that has been shared recently was of me practicing my previously undiscovered talent (Wii Boxing). Apparently I have quick hands. Back at you soon!

Name Change Issues

It has been almost two years since Chad and I were married and I'm still having issues getting my name correctly changed over on all of my cards. There is an ongoing saga with Aetna and me regarding my middle initial, which should be 'B'. Every time they send me a new card, it says Sadie S, and I get irritated and have to call them to change it to Sadie B. It may not seem like a big deal, but I can't let a detail like that just sit in error. I get so pissed off every time I see paperwork or a card from them with the wrong initial. I have called at least twice in the past to get it changed, and still keep getting paperwork with the incorrect middle letter.

--You know like that little dog that seems so sweet until it sees a ball?? The dog turns psycho crazy and goes berserk?? A frisbee is nothing to the dog, but the ball makes it bonkers?? I am that dog when it comes to this issue.--

So, I recently got my new Aetna card and damn it if it didn't say Sadie S again!! I was so pissed, I had to just put it away and not look at it for a few days so that I wouldn't be the angry psycho woman on the phone. Really, I had myself all worked up over it yet again. It was a good thing that I didn't call Aetna immediately because last night I got my new prescription card (used to have prescription coverage with Aetna, but my company changed to CVS Caremark).

Whaddya know? My new prescription cards are for Sadie S as well! Damn it! Rage! The little dog in me goes berserk!!! Ball!!! Ball!!!! I cuss and pitch a little fit and then have a moment of clarity...Aetna and Caremark are not the problem. My employer is the problem!

Today, now that I'm back to feeling like the calm, sweet puppy, I call up HR and politely ask the man to please check my middle initial to confirm that it is correct. Sure enough, his system says I am Sadie S and he very easily makes all of the necessary changes to make sure I am now Sadie B in all areas where it might affect my paperwork. Whew! I no longer have to feel like that little crazy yapping dog all riled up over nothing!

The TMI Post

This post is for the ladies and definitely contains TMI. Read at your own risk, but don't dare judge me for what I'm about to reveal. Also, sorry it is so long.

I've posted in the past about my 'spotting' issues. I'm not talking about the little bit of brown or reddish discharge for a couple days before your period starts. I'm talking about lots of brownish fluid, mixed with brown and red blobs of sloughed uterine lining for days (like 7-10 extra days on top of my period) each cycle. Especially if there are any men still reading - Imagine if you bled from some part of your body for 163 days each year...thats 5 out of 12 months where you have some sort of blood coming out of your body. You'd want it to stop, too.

This has been going on off and on for 7-8 years, and in recent years I have been pushing my gynecologist figure out the issue. After my old gynecologist (from a very popular ob/gyn group in NW Austin) insisted that my bloodwork was all normal and had no other explanation for the bleeding, I asked for a referral to an endocrinologist and decided that I would never go back to that gynecologist again. (Really, no other suggestions to why I might be bleeding? You really think this is normal?)

My endocrinologist decided I was not ovulating and also helped me with my thyroid issue. There were a couple of cycles this year where I did not have spotting and overall, I was feeling much better. I definitely am ovulating now, but the bleeding has resurfaced since September. Oh, and I have to tell you that I switched ob/gyns, too. I now go to OBGYN North and see Lisa Carlisle as my CNM (Dr. Campaigne is my doctor). I had my annual exam in May, but that was when the spotting had been reduced and I thought I was in the clear. Their office is so great, btw!

So, now it is the present - September - back to spotting a ton. October - was convinced I was pregnant, but back to spotting again. I decided to go back and see Lisa Carlisle again to talk about the causes of the spotting, and I'm so thankful that I did. We went over my complete history again, and without hesitation, she said 'It sounds like polyps'. I was confused, because if it was such an easy thing to suggest, why hadn't my old doctor mentioned it? Lisa was convinced that we needed to do either an HSG or an SHG, but that she would discuss the case with Dr. Campaigne just to get a second opinion. I was told to prepare to have the test during my next cycle around CD 5-8 (just after my period).

As bad luck would have it, I started my period on the Monday before Thanksgiving, which would put the testing days on the Friday-Monday Thanksgiving holiday weekend. When I called to make the appointment, the lady on the phone said that the doctor instead wanted me to come in on Wednesday (CD 3). I was horrified and asked for clarification...'You mean she wants me to have the test during one of my period days? I'm definitely going to be bleeding on CD3.' Unfortunately, she was insistent, so I made my appointment and continued to be apprehensive about going in.

See, during the SHG (sonohysterogram), a small catheter is inserted into the cervix and saline is injected into the uterus to allow the space inside the uterus to be better seen on an ultrasound. Unlike the ultrasound scenarios you see on TV, where the wand is on the outside of the belly with all of the jelly, in this SHG there is an ultrasound wand that is inserted in the vagina (thanks to Holly for the 'dildo-cam' descriptor :)). You can imagine that with the invasiveness of this kind of ultrasound, it is not ideal to do this during your period.

Wouldn't you know, I bled like nobody's business all day Tuesday and Wednesday morning. I'm telling you that I don't ever remember bleeding as heavily as I did those two days. When I went in for my test, I mentioned to the sonographer that it was CD3, and she balked for a moment...was I sure this was the right day? Yes, I confirmed the doctor specifically said that day. She was as nice as she could be about the situation, but we both knew that it was going to be a messy start to her day.

• The sonographer prepped the table with extra pads and absorbent materials.
• When she inserted the speculum, she had to spend time 'cleaning up' in my vagina because of all of the blood that was in there. You ladies know that when you go in for a pap smear and they say that there is going to be some pressure and probably some cramping, while they take a sample with that tiny little pipe cleaner thing?? That kind of pressure was nothing compared to what she was doing to 'clean me up'. Ick and ow!
• After inserting the catheter in my cervix (which thankfully did not hurt), she started to inject the saline into my uterus.
• Because of my flow situation, the saline did not want to stay in my uterus...it just trickled right out of me back out of my vagina. You ladies can imagine the feeling of constant wet flow coming out, dripping all over the table, onto the pad, off of the table onto the pads below on the floor. It was so embarrasing and horrifying.
• The sonographer was so nice and tactful about the mess...clearly neither of us wanted to be in the situation we were in. Lots of blood and saline all over the table...ick again!
• She took great pictures. She captured the necessary pics of my uterus and also added pics of my ovaries just because I hadn't had pics taken of them in years.

To sum up, the test wasn't painful at all, but it would have been so much less traumatic to have it on a day that was not a flow day. I'll never ever forget the details of that morning.

The results? I do have an endometrial polyp. (hooray, an explanation!) It is not something we are concerned will be cancerous or anything. The main problem that it is causing is the bleeding. To remove it, which is recommended, I will be undergoing a hysteroscopy and D&C sometime later this month. At that time, they will put me under heavier sedation and go in through the cervix with a camera to look at the polyp. They will at that time decide if they will pluck out the polyp with special tools, or if they will use the information from what they see to do a D&C with better information to where they need to 'clean out'. I'm no doctor, so I might have gotten some of that wrong, but I definitely trust that Dr. Campaigne knows what she is doing.

The only thing that will stop the procedure this month is if I am currently pregnant. I was convinced over the weekend that I am, but alas, I have started spotting again. There is still a slim chance, but I'm not holding my breath and am prepared for disappointment.

Once I have the polyp removed, the bleeding should go away and our chances of concieving should be better than if I still had the polyp. I'm not having the procedure as part of fertility treatments...it is for the abnormal bleeding only (insurance will care for the distinction).

OB/GYN Waiting Room

The count today is five obviously pregnant women, three husbands/S.O.s, and me. Looks like I'm odd girl out, but in the right company. Wish pregnancy was contagious right about now.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

The snow was fun while it lasted. It started to come down about 12:00 here in our neighborhood, and now that it is 1:30, the skies are clear and the sun is out. The flakes did get large enough to capture on my iPhone camera, and I got a few more with the nice camera Mike is still letting me borrow.

Now playing - my favorite version of the Holiday classic - Baby, It's Cold Outside. If I had to sing holiday kareoke and had a willing duet partner, this would be my choice, hands down.

See it on my coat sleeve?


Looking down the street.


See? It is coming down pretty steady.

Our house in the snow flurry.

Carpet Angels

In preparation for the 'snow' that we are supposed to be getting
tomorrow, and because the beautiful clean empty room of new carpet is
irresistable...an action shot of me doing carpet (snow) angels. Hooray
for new carpet!

Trapped...and I have to pee!

The carpet guys are here at the house installing our new carpet and I'm trapped in the kitchen. I have this issue about people being able to hear me go to the bathroom (even just peeing). I try to avoid it if at all possible, especially in a close setting in someone's house or if someone is at my house. Because the carpet guys are here, the only toilet available to me right now is in the half-bath at the center of the house, the one that you can hear everything from, even with the fan on.

I have to pee so badly and I don't want to go in there! Get me out of here! Doing the pee pee dance! This is not cool.

Full-fledged Adult

There are times now that I'm all grown up where I catch myself doing full-fledged adult things. I realize that I've been an adult for a long time now and don't think I behave like an immature person very often (though Chad might disagree). I tend to be responsible and thoughtful about my decisions, but most of the time I still see myself as younger than I really am. If the 20s are all about setting foundations and figuring out who we are as adult humans, then the 30s must be about having fun and developing those 'baby adult' lives we have started.

Every once in awhile I stop myself and think..."This is a really adult thing to do." These last few weeks in particular I have stopped to think about it all. - We're shopping for tile. We're shopping for toilets. We bought carpet. We really do own a house. I have a husband. We eat a home-cooked dinner because I prepared it. Wait a minute...I can cook and I like beets and brussel sprouts and kale and bok choy and all kinds of squash. I love the dentist. I'm a full-fledged adult alright.

Today at the dentist I caught myself reading the magazine Real Simple, and it had one of those beauty spreads that suggested beauty products for different age groups. Instead of immediately starting with the '20s' suggestions, I realized that I have finally made the transition to starting with the '30s' graphics. Wow, I really do have some of those 30s skin issues. Looking at what is offered to the 20s, I really don't want to look silly trying to wear those uber-young looking clothes that are pushed on them. I like the looks that my '30s' age group should be wearing, what a relief!

This gal, chick, lady, woman, whatever, is really starting to enjoy this adulthood thing. Enjoyment...must be what the 30s are all about.

November Totals

I think I beat most of you current and former Team Roguies on fewest miles run in November. While you guys are excited about your uber high monthly totals, lemme throw this one in the mix. How do you like my whopping 41 miles run in November?? Booyah! That is what swine flu, pneumonia and a sore leg will do to you. Keith, I think I beat you two months in a row (on the low side) even with all of your missed time due to rehearsals and busy life.

Added to my running miles, please include one walk, four cycling outings, and an aquajogging session.

How do you think my December started with that crazy cold and rainy day yesterday? That's right - 0 miles running, but one hour of Vinyasa Flow yoga completed in the warmth of a yoga studio. Much nicer, though I think I may need to adjust my diet to match my workout efforts now that I'm not running 50-70 mile weeks. I'm a few pounds up since mid-October.

Motherly Instinct

And now a little story for your day...

Yesterday was the first day of our new tile installation in the upstairs bathroom. You have to understand that our three kitties are very shy when they hear someone at the door. When Eddie came over to start the tile work and came upstairs, all three cats ran into the upstairs guest bedroom and hid under the bed. That is not their normal hiding spot.

The first part of the demo work involved lots of banging and loud noises, which had to have been scary for our little hidden trio. The bed they were hiding under was a mere 10 feet from where all of the loud destructive action was taking place. I managed to rescue them one by one and encourage them to hide under our bed downstairs (their normal hiding place), though I think enough damage had been done. They were quite traumatized all day with the continued noise and the 'strangers' in the house.

So today, Eddie returned to continue working on the tile and I went to check on the munchkins. I was pleased to find our three kitties in our 'safe' bedroom with our little brave Miko sitting proudly on top of the covers. Her motherly instinct had kicked in again...

[I have blogged in the past about how Miko has 'babies' that are socks and toys that she likes to carry around the house and put in her 'nest'. Her nesting instinct is pretty strong. She has her primary b&w baby (a pair of Thorlo socks), her pink baby (a pair of ladies Nike running socks), her frog baby (a soft frog kitty toy), and her hedgehog baby (a little hedgehog kitty toy). Sometimes she adds in a dirty white cotton sock or a brown trouser sock of Chad's to the litter of babies when she can find one.]

...Miko was sitting bravely on top of the covers next to her main b&w baby. Seems she thought her baby would need protecting from all of the construction noise. What a good motherly instinct she has.